I left my heart in Chicago.
Not quite the same ring as San Francisco, but I’m just being h0nest here folks; if that means the snappy catch phrase suffers, such is the peas and onions! If my ridiculous instagram spam over the last week(ish) of suuuper rad architecture is an indication, I went on a quick little adventure to Chicago over the Natal Day weekend and fell in love! The visit was brief, and the weather not so much on the sunshine and rainbows front, but that short, and rainy time frame was enough for me to fall hard for Chicago. Easily the most mind-blowingly beautiful city I’ve ever seen, and I’m jealous of those who get to wake up and see such monumental architecture on the daily.
· The architecture. Duh. Even better enjoyed on a river boat tour.
· The Art Institute of Chicago.
· Biking along the pier.
· The food. My belly had a perma-smile. So good.
· Also in food: Dinner at the Public Hotel’s Pump Room restaurant. Pricey, but the best meal I’ve ever eaten.
· See also: Public Hotel in general. Interior design dream come true.
I only saw & experienced the very tip of the iceberg in what this city has to offer, and I’ll certainly hope to go back for another visit somewhere down the line.
Wisdom: It’s shocking how few North American cities I’ve visited. It’s time to remedy that and get out there an explore. My travel wishlist includes: Washington, DC; Montreal; Ottawa; Nashville; Boston; Colorado. Guess I have some penny pinching ahead of me.
So. Here I am…
Trudging my way back into the blogging world, hanging my head and already feeling that twinge of shame that comes from missing a deadline.
April 1: blog re-launch. That kinda-sorta-didn’t really happen.
On the surface, it came and went silently. Internally though, I was punishing myself like crazy. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I meet a simple, self-imposed deadline? What does this say about me? About my business? How is everyone going to see me now? Why do I even try? I’m a terrible blogger/internet… person… thing. So much self doubt, so much comparison, so much imperfection. That was a scary word. Imperfection.
It wasn’t lack of want or lack of try that stopped me from meeting my blog relaunch date. It was lack of confidence, a wee bit of laziness (it was an exhausting work-heavy winter), but above all else, it was lack of perfection that was doing me in. My logo isn’t perfect, my layout isn’t perfect, my photography isn’t perfect, my writing isn’t perfect, X Y Z isn’t perfect.
To me, imperfection = failure.
Obviously, this is nothing earth shattering. Much as our brains try to trick us out of it, our common sense tells us we can’t be perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. Yet, as a creative, I find myself always pushing myself to my limits to achieve this unattainable status. Especially with this blog. I felt like I had this reputation to live up to, some measure of expectation to be met, and instead of allowing myself to freely create – as this blog was originally intended for – I got scared. That aforementioned common sense? Oh, it kicked in and it shouted at me loud and clear: “you’re not perfect!” But I took it in the wrong way.
The problem here isn’t knowing that perfection is impossible and knowing you can never achieve it, but it’s allowing yourself to happily embrace imperfection and rid it of its negative connotations.
“Imperfect” feels like a negative word. Being imperfect can seem like failure, defeat, like a hole that you never want to emerge from. It was safer, easier, to simply hide than face imperfection.
Right now, this is me declaring my flaws and looking that fear in the face. This is me teaching myself to simply let the journey unfold, cuts and scraps and face plants all the way. Because that’s what this blog is. It’s not a finished product, and it’s not clean and shiny and sparkling. It’s a work in progress. Much like myself. An ever-evolving entity. A moment in time.
This blog may not be the glowing spot of immediate awesomeness I originally envisioned. But that’s okay. I’m happy that it’s not. I’m allowing myself space to breath, to grow, to create and to evolve. And that’s what you can expect from k. 2.0. Me, embracing my sloppy, candid, organic, authentic, disorganised imperfections and not giving three shakes of a lamb’s tail if they’re”good” or “right” or “proper”. Screw that. Imperfection is a positive thing, and something I intend to embrace wholeheartedly going forward.
So uh, hi guys. I guess I have some explaining to do, huh? Because life and all that stuff got a little crazy/hectic/stressful/less than perfect, and what did I do? I retreated into my bubble of solitude like I always do. And I stayed there. Waaaay too long. 2013 was the most incredible, stressful, challenging, life-changing, and mind-blowingly awesome year. There were extremely high highs, and crushingly low lows. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was a year of really digging deep and figuring out who I am, and for once in my life, really embracing and being 100% okay with that person.
Along the way, I kinda fell out of my blogging groove (14 months of radio silence, I’m looking at you). I felt uninspired, worthless, not good enough, and generally just felt mopey and sorry for myself among other lame excuses. And you know what? That’s just super uncool and it’s time to shake that. Re-invigorate. Re-fresh.
And that’s what I’m doing. For the first time in months I’ve felt energised and excited to give this blogging thing another go.
To the handful of you who didn’t forget me and shared your love and support through my absence – really, it means more than I can say. Because I didn’t forget about you.
Thank you for listening to my babbles and sorry excuses and thank you for not giving up on me.
So here’s to giving this another try. I have ideas, I have plans… but first, that aforementioned refresh. And new year, a new go around, a whole new k. blog. Stay tuned, and…
P.S. Until the re-launch, keep in touch on twitter and/or instagram.